Notes of a Scarf-Hater

I hate scarves, not all, but specifically, one like these worn by girls on the road. I could never understand the purpose of the same.. I mean, why the hell, you need that thing on your face? I know, it's your personal choice to wear that thing, but I honestly, do not see any logical reasoning behind it. It suffocates me, my skin wants more of the thing we breathe everyday!! Especially, in a hot climate like ours, if the sweat on my neck and face doesn't evaporate and keeps accumulating around my head, I would surely die of the combination of suffocation, infection, heat-stroke.. And honestly, just tell me, how many times a YEAR, do you wash that thing? Because, every single day, I see the same, dirty, grey things, with dirt on the ceases, accumulated with constant use, with no relief or no sense of cleanliness.. YUCKSS!!

And, for me it's the synonym of Indian Taliban, that too willingly.. Why don't you all migrate to Afganistan, that ways you can 'officially' wear a head scarf; Hiding your face from the bad elements...

What does that scarf help you do? Protect from pollution? Protect you from eve-teasers? Protect you from insecurity? Protect you from accidents while driving?

One for the road :

Now this is the most commonplace.. Imagine a scenario. A girl walking down the road. Scarf wrapped around on the head. Texting on phone. We, Indians, don't listen to a needless honking besides us, when we walk off the footpath, thanks to the stupid scarf, she would be more unreceptive to sounds.. Result, you guess..

Oh, it must be the Sun, but you don't wear the scarf inside you house, near a window? You would definitely get tanned there.. Or I guess you are just unaware of the latest international fashion where dark is good.. Don't be such a miser, buy a good sunscreen and enjoy the Sun. I travel 4 hours a day, in the same bus, the same road. My skin is just fine. Wash your face twice a day and use a moisturizer..

In the bus, you have mastered the art of identification. Just for sake of argument, if you were ever called by the police for an identification parade, you would pass with flying colors.. Why? Oh, it's a real skill to recognize your friend by just the permutation and combination of the no. of scarves, handbag and footwear she owns. Oh wait, or may be the shade of mascara.. For example, "Umm, checkered scarf with brown bag, Oh, its Asha. Or no, wait, she doesn't have the silver kohl(40% Black) mascara. Then she must be Aarti; Let me go and say hi!!"

In restaurants, do you really need that thing, when you would want to relax and rewind and have a good conversation, with food to soothe the aching taste buds? All you boyfriend would see is a pair of eyes, with no sensual lips or the expressive mouth lines while you are talking.. And he might start saying "hello, hello" in between, because you sound as if you are talking through a telephone(muffled voice)!! Aww, don't tell me, you ACTUALLY wear that thing, so that no one recognizes you having a boyfriend??
Not long from now, we could see "Diary of a Compulsive Womanizer" featuring Monday lunch: White-red Polka dot scarf
Monday night: Yellow rustic paisley scarf
Tuesday: Saffron Om-print scarf (Quite religious, don't you think so?)

That bring to me to the ethereal question: Do you wear the scarf while having sex? No, no, seriously? I guess you love it so much, you go to the bed wearing it; After all, dust is everywhere.. And since you must be saving a fortune from those eyebrows and upper lips session, I bet your bikini-line is wonderful..

One for the groping hand :

Why do you wear this scarf? So that an eve-teaser/molester does not see my face or know my identity.. Honestly, If I were the molester, all my erection would go for a toss, seeing that weird, in-the-closet persona.. And who says, you won't be touched in that scarf; The moment you come in the vicinity of a predator, his senses start arousing. The eyes start to scan you; despite the 2-meter cloth around you. It scissors out the material, exposing the nude female form, calculating his next move i.e. Positioning. His problem is not what you are wearing; His problem is the swiftest and least obstructed way of groping/touching your body. Standing next, behind, front, at 45 Degrees.. One sly of hand, underneath your scarf, on top you chest and DONE!!
And what do you do? Let out a muffled scream from your scarf and keep quiet.. No confronting the offender; Why? Wearing the scarf makes you coy or what?

Another one for the road :

Comparison of a head scarf and helmet while driving: Oh, I am not going to win this one. How could the helmet, possibly, beat the scarf.. If worn haphazardly, the long end of the scarf, would never get tangled in the wheels of a bike.. It would such a protection from rain, with no a drop tickling under. Eyes would get the maximum protection, from dust, hot air and what not.. And, in the case of a head injury, the soft fabric would take the maximum impact from the collision; What could a helmet do, haan??

ericparker on Flickr

One for yourself :

Now here comes forward my feminist side.. And she is angry, for girls hide themselves behind veils, making them secluded, untouchable, forgotten. You would not feel a thing, but I don't have much respect for humans, who degrade themselves. And you mys dear girls, are doing the same.. And if you are so worried about modesty, stop wearing skin fitting kurtas, black bras inside white blouses, sleeveless tops, low-rise-snug jeans and then wear this damned thing